Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There!

Recently I was at home playing with my daughter, she’s 2 years old. Playing with her in our little play area (formally known as my clean organized living room), and she has this new toy. It’s basically a tube with a bunch of buckles and fasteners on it. It’s supposed to help with their fine motor skills because they have to figure out how to open and close the different style buckles. It was hard for me to watch her at first, because she would get very frustrated anytime she couldn’t open or close them in the speed she wanted. She would become increasingly impatient, start to cry, stomp her hands and feet…and I would honestly just want to complete the task for her, so she could be happy and actually enjoy herself! Or at least direct her towards another toy she has already figured out. It’s crazy how you can feel these emotions in both the mind and body. I was getting anxious in my head about what I would do if she got too upset, I would explore ways to help her avoid distress. My shoulders would tense up, a mild headache would form, and I would get frantic with my fingers.

At some point I thought of a Buddhist saying that says “Don’t just do something, sit there.”. It can be seen as a funny saying in some ways, but it reminds me that I don’t always have to DO something. Sometimes you can just sit, observe, and not need to control a result. You can actually find comfort in that discomfort, watching your child working through struggle.

I pulled myself back to the present moment, and tried my best to just sit there and watch. My new goal was not to control her emotions or actions, but to let her go through alllll the feels with darn toy. Guess what? It sucked! This post is not going to end with me saying it ended up being really simple, and we both ended up jumping for joy. She cried, she was annoyed, and I felt pretty useless sitting there watching. But you know, it was temporary. She did move on to something else, seemingly forgetting about the toy completely. She also figured out the toy eventually, and since I was getting used to just observing, I was able to see that look of accomplishment on her face when it finally came easy. There was accomplishment for me as a mom as well, because I allowed my child to have her own experience with patience and accomplishment, without needing to interrupt it for my own needs.

Thoughts for the Mat?

My hope for you, is that when you find yourself in a pose, a pose you think is lasting too long, if you find yourself wanting to shift into something different…see if you can feel comfort in that discomfort

Where can I soften in the body or in this pose?

What am I trying to avoid?

What will happen if I lean into the discomfort?